Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Well this has been interesting these last few days.

I found out that my Grandmother is not doing as well as I believed. She has level one lip node cancer. I found this out at Church the Sunday before Thanksgiving when my pastor announced it to the whole congregation. I guess it was a good thing I went to church that morning or I may have never learned how serious it was until I saw my grandmother walking around with no hair. There is no cure for it. The good news in all this is that it is treatable, and the Dr. is very optimistic that she will be with us for many more years. My Grandfather is doing much better with his depression. Tomorrow he is going to his retirement party.

Speaking of retirement parties, the lady I used to hang out with is retiring. She is retiring early; she was planning one it being this year. She is sick and tired of working around people that don’t have any work ethics, so she is taking an easy out. Some days I wish I could do that, and get away from the girl that has no work ethics in my department. I am not going to the party. I don’t want to be some place I am not welcome/wanted. I RSVPd a while ago, and paid the fee. This was to help chip in for her party, she was a friend at one time, and I want to help. The other reason was to avoid people from pestering into going. My boss and the other people that I used to hang out with are arranging it, and I don’t want to chance them pestering me into going because they don’t see my name on the list. I am even helping out with some things. I want to help. I just have no reason to go, I said my goodbye, and let go back before she left for her daughter's wedding. Beside, no one will even notice that I didn't show up. That is one of the nice things with never being noticed, you are never missed.

It hurts that she and my other so called friends lied to me, and decided that five years worth of good was worth shit when I ran into personal difficulty, confusion, and depression. I kept trying to hold on, to make amends, to reach out, to understand, and to make things right. I guess most of them didn’t think I was worth it. At least two of them felt I was, and hung on with me. For them I am eternally grateful.

My friend that got me into World of Warcraft has deleted all his toons the other day. He sent me the gold and stuff that I could use. I guess I am not too surprised. The game is not the same. No one wants to do any new end game content, because the expansion pack is going to make all that uber loot worthless. Also no one wants to do any more world PvP. It has been the World of Carebears for some time now. Everything that was worked so had for, is soon to be worthless. Guilds that used to take pride in their factions, and name, now could care less if someone is ganking or greafing. The one thing I am looking forward to is they are talking about changing the 'honor' system with the next patch, and getting rid of the penalties that made town raids impossible. I so want to raid a horde town. I have taken control of small outposts, but never a major town. Well there is some hope of the game getting good again.

OMG, I think this is the first time I have talked about a game in a long time on this blog. What do you know...


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Well I visited my grandparents this weekend. They both look like they are doing much better. The only thing that frustrates me is that the last couple of times I have visited them, they will carry on and on about there will, or what they will do if one of them passes on. I guess it is to be expected, they have both been to the doctors many times this year.

My boss’s daughter is doing much better. It has been hard for me, trying to figure out how to deal and cope with the frustrations that I have at work. People working habitually showing up an hour late, and leaving hours early because my boss is very busy, and in and out taking care of her daughter. Talking on the phone for hours on end, and goofing off with homework. My boss doesn’t know. I don’t want give her more stuff to deal with right now. So I am trying my best to cope, and deal with the frustrations myself for now. I picked up some noise canceling head sets. They are working out really well, maybe too well. I miss out on all the conversations, and jokes in the office. I am on the verge of alienating myself again to cope. I trust my boss; I do not think she is aware of what is going on. I find myself fighting with myself to not go back down the depression, frustration, anger, and guilt that I have worked so hard to get out of. I find myself struggling some days not to act out in disrespect like some others do. I am tying my best to do what is right. Come in on time, do my work, support my boss and the department the best I can, and keep my nose clean. It is hard, it is frustrating, it is depressing, and it is upsetting. But keep doing what I have learned. I hope to someday be able to talk to my boss for advice, but not now. She is being strong dealing with her daughter’s accident, and all the other things that are going on in her life. I can be strong and deal with my small problems for now.

One day at a time.


Friday, November 03, 2006

Well the surgery went well. It was an enlarged lymph node, that swelled to the size of a fist! They are saying she can go home today.

Well I just called my Grandmother and wished her well with her surgery today. She is going in around noon. She said she is doing ok, and that the hardest part is going to be no eating or drinking. She asked how my bosses daughter is doing (she was in a car accident Sunday). I told her from what I have heard she may be getting out this weekend. My Grandmother is like me, more concerned about other people than herself. My Dad took the day off to be with his mother and father during the operation. He promised to call me with any updates.

I love you Grandma, and I am praying for you.


Thursday, November 02, 2006

The fundamental problem with the Honor System is that it only works well with the honorable. The cheaters, liars, and manipulators have no honor. I would hate to have my work go to time cards... but it very well may because of a few people that come late, and leave early.

My Grandmother is going into surgery tomorrow. She has some sort of mass in her abdomen. The doctors have done a ton of blood work, scans, and everything else; and they still have no clue what it is. So they are going to operate.


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