Wednesday, May 07, 2008

How morbid is it when you go to get a MRI on your head and hope that they find something? I found myself thinking what I would prefer it to be a tumor, an aneurysm, cancer... I am finding myself disappointed with the test results. No problems, try de-stressing. Maybe your persistent headaches and even short dizzy spells will go away. Well so much for a solid answer.
How the hell am I to remove stress from my life? Even when I take time off, I still have these symptoms. I work with programmers that are on the level I am used to tutoring. I don't look forward to going to work any more, all I get is frustration and trying to deal with them. I have no projects that stimulate my mind, I am not learning anything new, and my department is divided up into many different factions. I am one senor programmer on staff, yet I am constantly having to fight and prove that I know what the hell I am talking about. I am the youngest member in age, and have the lowest degree, but have been programming and working on our system three times longer than any of them, and know more about the behaver and workings of the system than any of them. Yet I am constantly getting dissed, and having to prove stuff.
I can't see leaving, changing jobs isn't going to fix anything. You get this stuff from any job out there.

I just figure I am going to die young and alone. At my funeral there will probably be less then dozen people, pushing two dozen if you count family.


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