Monday, January 15, 2007

If someone ever tells you that it is best to be open and honest with your friends, kick them in the head. Friends only want you to be so if it makes them feel good. I should have kept everything bottled up, and not speak my mind. I may still have a friend that had hung with me threw all this past year. She said that she still cares about me; I just keep her guessing at what she can or cannot say around me. It doesn’t feel natural being around me right now, and she needs a break from it. She knows that I am a good person; she has gotten to see that in me. I am still worth having as a friend, she just doesn’t know how to help, and maybe I need to be one my own for a bit. I hope she is telling the truth, I have heard too many other people say this before. She accused me of manipulating and using her, because people that always are afraid of being cheated on / lied to / or used by people, usually do so to themselves.

Somehow this time it feels different, somehow I feel that she is telling me the truth. She said that five years of knowing someone that was as nice and fun and good hearted should count as something. No one else that had given up on me had even brought that into account.

I don’t know how I feel right now. I do know one thing, I am tired of being the one accused of destroying everything. If someone is loved by everyone else, and I find fault or question them, I am the one to be blamed. I was the one that crawled, begged, pleaded, and then I finally gave up; and it is my fault for destroying the friendship. Everything is always my fault.


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