Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I’m just tired. Tired of fighting for what I am due. Tired of being invisible. Tired not being taken seriously because I look young. Tired of being screwed over because I am a nice guy.

Saturday I took my car in to the body shop. AAA had set everything up for me to get my car fixed. They sent over all the paperwork, and made the appointment for me, and even said that a rental car would be available for me. I drop my car off at the body shop, sign a few forms, and they called the rental car place for me. Ten maybe fifteen minutes and I am done. I thought it was going to be like pulling teeth and I would be there for hours. The car rental should be a breeze; I can get home soon and actually get some stuff done before lunch! No such luck. Enterprise had all the paper work from AAA for me and they asked me to have a seat, they will bring something around for me. Over an hour and a half later I still do not have a car. They lied to me, forgot about me, and tried to blame the insurance company. Bottom line, I have a vehicle that I am not at all happy with, and don’t want to keep fighting it.

It is hard still. I am doing better, but it is still hard. I have been carpooling with my boss for a while now, and it is a lot of fun. Today was a bit harder; she spent the entire ride to work talking dirty to one of her guy friends. Now let me be clear, I took no offence, and even found it a bit humorous. The thing I have issues with is I don’t know and feel awkward. I feel like I should leave and give them privacy. But how do I step out and do that when going 80 on the freeway?

Later that day she came to me and said that she will get a ride back with someone else, she had something come up and she left with a bunch of girls from the office. My programming friend said that he got an invite to go out for drinks with them. It hurt; it hurt because I used to get invited too. I am happy that my friend is being invited back with everyone; it has been a long time. My boss used to not have to tell me that she has other transportation arranged; she used to ask me who should be the designated driver. Oh well, that is the past, and it doesn’t look like it will ever be part of the future ever again. At least my boss thought of me to inform me not to wait/worry about her.

This week is our unusual open house hoopla. I don’t know what I should do. I don’t know if I should skip it, or what. It is not that I am having trouble with crowds; it is I know that other people that make up The Group will be there and they will all sit with our department. They will talk about the wedding that is coming up (that I am banned from), how much fun/drunk someone got at their last get tougher (which I am no longer welcome), or how cute/perfect/wonderful the girl in my office that despises me is. I don’t want to suffer threw that. I think what I will do is just sit at a table with someone else that I know, instead of sitting with my department. That way everyone will have fun.

This Halloween I already have my costume. It is a great one too, and cheap, and easy. I am the invisible man. I can just walk around like any other day, and no one will notice me. This is kind of a special time. It was around Halloween last year that she started to despise and hate me. Five years of knowing someone means shit. One year is an awful long time to be pissed off at someone and hold a grudge. Oh well, good riddance.


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