Monday, July 31, 2006

My Grandfather had to go back to the hospital Sunday. He was having difficulty breathing again. He has been to the emergency room so many time, they are having difficulty getting a vein for an IV. He also gets his blood tested every other day. It almost makes me wish they would just leave him ‘tapped.’

They have cell phones now, so it is easier to get a hold of them. Also they are getting better at leaving more information on the voicemail, so I do not worry as much. Little things like what hospital they are going to, if the EMT is taking them, why they are taking him.

They still cannot figure out why he is having breathing difficulties. I am beginning to wonder if a small part of it is self induced. He is worrying about a lot of things, and it may be leading to panic attacks. He is saying a lot of the things I was thinking at the start of my depression. He is frustrated with himself (why am I sweating all the time, I am getting around slow, I have a hard time concentrating, I cannot do much around the house to help out), and getting down on himself (I am sorry to bother you, I am becoming a problem, I’m sorry). He doesn’t have a whole lost to keep him occupied, there aren’t a whole lot of things he can do without hurting or getting too hot.

I wish there was something more I can do to help him. I try to get him games to play on his new laptop, but I wonder if that is just frustrating him more because he can’t concentrate, even with turn based games. He enjoys wood working, but that involves too many sharp tools, and with his blood thinners, that can be bad. I will keep thinking of things that may help keep him occupied. The depression is what is worrying me the most, because I know how difficult it is.


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