Friday, June 23, 2006

Last night I ‘kidnapped’ my sister form all her packing and preparations for her return to college. I took her out to see Cars, have Stone Cold ice-cream, cruse, talk, and have a good time. It has been a very long time since we have been able to spend some time together. I never realized how worried she has been for me. The last few time we have talked on the phone, or she has been home, I had been in the beginning of my depression treatment. I guess it really worried and upset her for me to be that way. I am so glad that I am finally feeling better and that we were able to laugh and have fun together for the first time this year.

It almost didn’t happen. I almost got stuck having to pull overtime. We are on a skeleton crew as is, plus we have two people on vacation this week, and to top it off one person was out sick. So before I knew what was happening, one of my coworkers was on the phone with the big boss, arranging for me to work overtime. I couldn’t believe it, my one chance to do something with my sister was being trumped by a job responsibility. I don’t know why, or how, but the one other co-worker jumped in and offered to work the late shift so I could leave at my regular time. I am very grateful to her, she never had to, and I wouldn’t blame her for just wanting to screw me over, she would have every right to for the way I have treated her during my moodiness. She is a good person, and has been very professional with me, even thought I had messed up the friendship we once had.

I am excited. I am feeling a lot better. I am getting over with, and dealing with my moodiness quicker than before. I have hope for the first time in a long time of getting back to being me. The fun loving, teasing, happy go luck guy with a twinkle in his eye guy that I once was. I have been laughing, smilling, participating with the office, venturing out of the office and home, teasing my sister, and feeling a lot more at ease. I still have times where I have problems, but they are getting more manageable, and fewer. I want to jump into the way it was… However that may never be possible. I had hurt a lot of feelings, upset a lot of people, and damaged or destroyed some friendships. I guess now the second hardest part of the journey begins. The part where I see what survived the fire I created, and what will grow back. I know it will never be the same, but there is some hope, hope of renewal, and hope of new starts, but there is sadness of what was lost and may never be recovered again... One day at a time...


This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

Weblog Commenting and Trackback by HaloScan.com