Thursday, May 11, 2006
Well today started off good, but ended badly. I didn’t get my time sensitive project done today. I offered to skip E3, but my boss wouldn’t allow it. She said she will just give it to the other programmer to fix. If he can’t get it done, I will have to come in on the weekend to finish it. So now I may also mess up the Mother’s day plans that were made.
No mater how hard I try, I just keep failing. Several projects that I have worked on had to be given or shared with the other programmer to get it done. He is the miracle worker, he can get things done. Something that I spent all day trying to figure out, he can fix in ten minuets. I am becoming useless in my bosses eye. Even when I can help out and give some input on a project, I was treated as if I was just an annoyance, and nuisance that is found on the bottom of a shoe. I am sure that if anyone but me had offered the same insight, they would have been praised for saving hours or research, and helping them identify a solid answer. Not me, I am a pain, I am sticking my nose where it is not wanted, I am not showing enough faith in their abilities, I am not letting them grow, I am a failure. I feel so impotent...
I guess it is a good thing I am not married. I could just image after a night of passion, she would say," Don't worry, you tried your best. The pool boy will be over tomorrow to do what you can't".
I don't even want to go to E3 at this point... Something that I have looked forward to one day doing for the last five years.
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No mater how hard I try, I just keep failing. Several projects that I have worked on had to be given or shared with the other programmer to get it done. He is the miracle worker, he can get things done. Something that I spent all day trying to figure out, he can fix in ten minuets. I am becoming useless in my bosses eye. Even when I can help out and give some input on a project, I was treated as if I was just an annoyance, and nuisance that is found on the bottom of a shoe. I am sure that if anyone but me had offered the same insight, they would have been praised for saving hours or research, and helping them identify a solid answer. Not me, I am a pain, I am sticking my nose where it is not wanted, I am not showing enough faith in their abilities, I am not letting them grow, I am a failure. I feel so impotent...
I guess it is a good thing I am not married. I could just image after a night of passion, she would say," Don't worry, you tried your best. The pool boy will be over tomorrow to do what you can't".
I don't even want to go to E3 at this point... Something that I have looked forward to one day doing for the last five years.
