Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Solitary confinement… That is one of the possibilities that is floating around for me. Placed in my own office away from all the other co-workers. Well I guess it shouldn’t be that bad, I don’t really talk to anyone, at least the coworkers I haven’t been forbidden from interacting with. I don’t think I have even said two words to the new hourly, afraid that I will say or do something wrong. So if I just sit her in my little corner, and leave everyone alone, it can’t be much different than solitary confinement. I depress, discourage, make uncomfortable, and frustrate everyone I am around, some more than others. Maybe it would be best. Not even the coworker I have been partnered up with to walk 30 minuets a day will remind me of our walk. I think I will just stop asking him about walking, and just walk by myself. Some other group will pick him up to their group, it has happened to everyone else that doesn’t have a partner for a day. Everyone except me. I don’t blame anyone, I mean who wants to be around someone that is mentally ill?

Well atleast I ate something yesterday. My friend and fellow programmer invited me to lunch. Other words I don’t think I would have eaten anything yesterday either.

I wonder at times if the medication is working. I think it is. I mean, my weekends are finally fine. I think it is just the discouragement, and frustrations I see everyone around work going threw with me is just too much for any medication to counter. I just disappoint everyone I am around and I can never get anything right. I take too long to do something, I forget something, I loose track of time, I get distracted easy, I am oblivious to everything happening in the office, I don’t interact, I can’t communicate well, and the list can go on and on. I guess if things are better on my weekends, and things are a little more bearable for me at work, than that is some improvement. Give it more time the Dr. said, I have been suffering with depression for months, if not years, and one month is not going to cure it.


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