Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Frank J of IMAO gives a pretty good list of changes one should expect to see in the new and improved DVD release of Star Wars.

Other major changes include…

*The new EEO (Equal Employment Opportunity) compliant Empire. The Storm troopers are no longer just white male suites. They now are colored and shaped to indicate there race, and gender.

*All civilian blasters have a max 10 round power cells, and none of them can look too military.

*Han Solo only has his blaster on stun when he shoots Greedo.

*The second Death Star is really a research facility to produce, and inject mitochlorians into volunteer storm troopers in an attempt to make all men equal.

*When the Emperor turns around in his chair to talk to Luke we see that he is shooting up and offers some to Luke, who responds. “Master Yoda told me not to do drugs, they are the way to the dark side.” Vader and the Emperor call Luke a “Mama’s boy” and a “girly man”

*The second Death Star blows up do to a Meth lab accident. Jar Jar flots by saying, “Mesa don’ta dosa drugsa.”

*Princess Leia shows that the Ewoks are proof that the Empire’s “No Child Left Behind” program failed.

*The AT-AT walkers are replaced with H2s

*TIE fighters have bumper stickers that say ‘Zero Green House Gas Emission Compliant’ thus explaining why they do not have enough power for shields.

*The Mos Eisley Cantina is replaced with a Starbucks.

I am just hoping that when George Lucas goes to hell for his sins of the prequels and new Star Wars, Fox will release the “classic” Star Wars.


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